Fear Life

Why do we fear death?
Death is easy, inviting
A final gasp and all is gone
Stillness and peace

It’s life we should fear
Bustling with disappointment
Throbbing with heartache
And lit with rejection

Loneliness walks in every crowd
Friendships dance on knife blades
Ready to slip and be sliced off
No matter how dearly we cling to it

Life cons us to believe in it’s worth
But nothing has meaning
Joy is fleeting and silenced
Hope is naive and shrivels

No, don’t fear death and it’s sweet release
Fear life, and rebirth that perpetuates the damnation

What do you want me to say?

“Why aren’t you responding?” you ask
As if you’re ready to hear my answer
“What’s wrong?” you ask
As if your questioning would heal my heart

What do you want me to say?
Do you want me to tell you
That I’m a loser with no friends
Who spends every evening in tears

Would that sate your curiosity?
Do you want me to tell you
That I hate my job so much
The only way I can get to sleep is to cry until my soul is spent

Would you question me more?
Do you want me to tell you
That  everything I try to stop the pain
Only plunges the knife deeper

Would you stop then?
Do you want me to tell you
How I dream of ending my life
And have been on the verge of suicide for 8 months

Would you finally back away?
Do you want me to tell you
That nothing in this world means anything to me
And I would throw everything away for a moments peace

Are you happy now?
Do you want me to tell you
The only reason I’m still alive
Is because I’m also a coward

I see you leaving. Good.
You don’t want me to tell you
How much you hurt me
How much I expected it all along

Deliverance

Life,

Let me sleep a slumber and never wake
Let me dim the lights to eternal darkness
Let the grating sound of my being run silent

Stop the beating and breathing and moving
Stop the crying and hurt and despair
Stop the lonely isolation that is my curse

Deliver me I plead from all that is remaining
For I am not yet strong enough to deliver myself
Cowardice stays my hand and frustrates my soul

Broken one last time

One day I’ll break for the last time
The mended pieces of me shattered
Into lonely shards of painful regret
Covering the barrenness of a desolate soul

Like a clumsy sculptor
Dipping the glue wand into an old jar
I’ll find nothing but dried up hope
And know – I’ll never be whole again

The day draws near
Already I can feel hardened chips in my salve
That portend an inevitable despair
Leaving my restoration forever unfinished

The task is too hard and my tools inadequate
Today I’ll stay half-broken, tomorrow yet more
Soon I will break for the last time
And say my final goodnight

Hardship

It’s hard to sing when the music in your soul has died
It’s hard to feel when you’ve lost touch with the world
It’s hard to see when your vision of the future has faded

Is it hardship that creates the sweetest song, the softest touch, the boldest vision?